.jpeg "Kanyadaan - My 2nd Marriage")
My life did not turn out the way I planned it. I planned the best life for myself but I am the one who has gone through heartaches, physical problems, and emotional problems the most. I took care of my health to a great extent that no one can even imagine but my mental pain transformed into physical pain. Though I am mentally free of the past my body is still healing. I am 42 years old now. When I look back at my life I see myself as a carefree girl who never thought too much but I was never a bad decision maker. Though time proved many things wrong I know that it was for a reason. I am not yet working and that’s the only reason I don’t spend on things which I don’t need. My dad is on pension. I never had any idea that my marriage would end and I would suffer from so many physical problems that I would need a long career break just to heal my body. I am at that stage of life when I really need a husband not my parents to take care of my finances. Life has tested me to the fullest and that's something that has made me physically and mentally strong. Though from the outside you may think I am very fragile I am really tough from the inside. Ladies my age always got jealous of my physique because they were aging and I still looked like an unmarried lady. Actually, it is a divine gift from my God because he never wanted me to age so we made a perfect match for a picture-perfect protograph together. That’s how I put it.
In the year 2015, I asked my God for something very big and had to undergo a huge inner transformation to the point of a physical and mental breakdown when I could not move ahead even by an inch. In those moments my God asked me to remember my wish and asked me just to try a little more and nothing else. I meditate but still feel I have so much to learn. I do yoga because I want to live a healthy life and want to work in perfect alignment with the universe with no friction from the outside world. It is like putting everything I have learned into practice. The world which I live in is my Fantasy world which was made by my God and I am simply living in it. I don’t take credit for anything though I have pushed very hard on days when I felt like giving up and dying but still I feel it is the super soul inside me which makes me different and I have not made any contribution towards it. There was a time when I used to watch too many Youtube videos and read lots of materials on spirituality and the capability of a human being but now I am in a mood to experiment with everything. Theory and practice are two different things because even if you are very strong theoretically you should have enough experience to prove it or else it is all useless. I am at a point in life when I want to check how much I understood the concepts correctly and see what yoga and meditation can do to an individual and the amount of transformation they can bring in one's life and how magical life becomes when you master certain aspects in your life and how fast the universe responds when you are fully aligned with cosmic geometry.
Since I have to experiment with myself I don’t have to look out for anything. It is all within and it is me who has to experiment. With God’s grace on my side, I do many things. I know he will save me because I don’t want to accept what other people think is the limitation of a certain experiment because there are many concepts that get clear only when you explore them. The source of creation never revealed itself fully to anyone. If you want to understand God you have to dig deep and still, you will feel you are just scratching at the surface. There are so many thin lines that connect in between that no one can claim that they understand spirituality to the fullest. Be it the top-notch gurus or the simple ones who know just a few things and play at the bottom level. It feels great when the universe responds to you in magical ways and the whole life in unfolding in ways you could never imagine. Though you get feared at times because too much unknown stuff is difficult to handle. That’s the only reason I feel lost and have no idea where my life is going. The universe responds to your vibrations and it is just you finding manifestation in the outside world. It took so long for me to understand that I am the source of everything that is existing outside of me so when I need to fix my outer environment I need to fix something inside of me. The power of your soul decides how best you can play in the world. I can’t comment on many things because I have experimented with very few things.
I have worked on lots of things but they are yet to manifest in the outside world. Though I am sure everything will work in divine time the way it is meant to work by the universe till then I need to recharge my batteries and match my vibrations to my manifestations so that they show up all at once. It gets difficult at times to hold on to your vision when you see no signs of results working for a long time but you need to keep the faith that it will work out one day. When the universe has huge expectations from you then it really tests your commitment, dedication, and faith. But it is also there to give you hope when you need it. The invisible hands of God will lift you up and place you in situations where you feel this is not for me but you deserve it since you are the one who worked hard for it. My dad says a person who has got comfort written in his destiny that thing will find him or her. I have worked on my spirituality. I know my changed destiny will find me even in a place called Jamshedpur. My head is very sorted and that's the only reason I don’t fall prey to any nonsense because I know what I want in life and what I want from life. I know my destiny will meet me at the right time when I am in perfect alignment with it and life will get magical. God is the magician. It is his fantasy world which he handed over to me and says it is mine so it is my fantasy world. When God is with me then magical things are bound to happen.
With him everything is possible. I don’t understand many things that I keep working on but I have already started playing my new role and have started the work that has been assigned to me because I don’t have options. How the divine will make you do the work which he wants to be done through you is just outside the preview of a normal mind. There is something called the soul which is much more powerful than anything. This yantra which you call the human body is a weapon that gets polished by the soul which never ages. There are many examples of people living in the past who did not age a bit since they were given a boon of ageless beauty so the technology exists but you should know how to finetune your own system to it. Even the human mind has got so many layers. Once you align with the cosmos and the divine it just starts making things happen on its own and I really don’t know how. This soul has a language that can be understood by everything in the universe because the cosmos too has the same language because we are all just vibrations. The energies which surround you are very smart and they just align themselves once you work on your inner self. You think you need to give the command to the cosmos or the outer world to get something done but if you try to just engineer yourself to the right frequency this life is a play. As it is is just a game but it is more real to you and me because there is so many memory and emotions involved.
I have never played video games and literally don’t know how to play one. You have seen many characters playing different roles and the same character changing costumes and taking different avatars which are all possible in real life but you should have that much command over your inner self which is not that easy because if you can then it is all real. This universe provides you with everything from the time you are born. It is the universe that gives you the body and soul when you are still developing inside your mother's womb and it is the universe which holds you all the time and when you leave it is you getting back to the source and just repeating the lifecycle depending on the karmas which cause you to get trapped in the cycle of birth and death. When you are clear about the game of life you know that the photographic memory of the universe records things that are not seen by any human being but if you have committed a crime you will have to pay for it later in ways you are not aware of. There was a time when I wanted to live the life which I am living now and have worked so that it can transition into the next phase which is very different from the life which I lived till 41 years of age. There are glimpses of the coming life that I have captured in my memory but it feels so magical that I want everything to unfold the way it should because the fantasy world that surrounds me is my manifestation.
The source of creation loves loyal people and when it sees that quality in you it just picks you up and give the most amazing tasks to you which feels very unreal. Have you experienced divine face to face and if you have then you know how much unreal it feels when he is simply around you? I have my own experiences and I keep most of them to myself but I know when people try to play with my faith or me then that man who is invisible can really turn nuts and fight for me because he is my lifelong protector. There are so many people who have conspired behind my back and I can very well see that they have attracted so many sufferings in their life just by doing that. The examples are all in front of me. My God fights all my battles and I know that very well. There are so many things I cannot explain and I simply don’t understand what missing pieces of the puzzle have been replaced by the divine just for me so that I can be happy. I feel he himself wakes up at night to sleep a little less and builds those missing pieces so that he can see a broad smile on my face. Today is the 4th Day of Durga puja and I do aarti in the evening. My dad does puja and aarti both in the morning and evening but I do them just in the evening. There is a photo of Lord Ganesha in the Puja room which has been made from both Sri and Om Hindi signs and I noticed that yesterday. Dad gave me the book yesterday to read Durga maa aarti from it and I found that it had the number “5” on it and near it was a lord Vishnu god photo with goddess Lakshmi sitting on their vahan i.e a Bird. It is an old book and the cover was just falling off so I put it in place by means of cello tape yesterday. The story is not yet over. It is only today I realized that dad had placed the first few pages of the book on the back since it was all torn. So what I did was pasted the wrong pages together so near Durga maa aarti there was a Vishnu god photo but it should have been goddess Durga right?
It is only today that I realized this. I realized this when I was doing aarti today and my dad is not aware of it. Thank God. This is what God can do. He purposely does a few things which are beyond your understanding. There is so much magic in this fantasy world. Is it real I asked my God and he says just go and explore it for yourself? Happy 4th Day of Navaratri.
